Remember this formula for the rest of your life

caffeine + sam-e + talking to mom = will blow away all of your existential woes

Fuck it
I'm dead
And probably
Gay too

I can't remember the last time before now when the pitter-patter of rain hit the skylights so hard, breaking the tense, purgatorial silence of my parents' house and making me so aware of the melancholy of living [in Seattle]. Spring is here and Summer will come, but where is the fun?

Superman Ice Cream

As a child my parents used to take us to Kmart for our frequent non-grocery store purchases. For those of you familiar with the old downtown Renton landscape: this was before the Sears/J.C. Penny complex across the street was transformed into a Fred Meyer and before that funny thing called Walmart was dropped in the middle of Renton, before my family discovered that warehouse in Tukwila and became avowed Costco-ites. My dad used to hate it when I would tell relatives that Kmart was my favorite store, as he would have much preferred that I told them I was a fan of the Bon Marché or luxury car dealerships to map out his routines for others. So would my white classmates in grade school tease me for endorsing a store that in their minds catered to their white-trash cousins, although I'm sure many of them were just ashamed to admit they had fell into a Blue Light Special before. But Kmart was indeed my favorite retail space; each time we entered the store I would tell Mom that I'd meet her in the toy aisle, where I'd stare in awe at all the action figures that I couldn't have. I remember getting lost on several occasions in the white-tiled maze and panicking that I couldn't find my parents, having to go to the customer service to page "the parents of a little boy named Joseph." I remember seeing the interior undergo extensive remodeling several times, understanding from a very young age that the world changes, that we have to adjust to navigating newly constructed pathways. I remember the familiar faces of Filipinas who perhaps watched me grow up and the strange language that my Mom would use with them that was recognizably Filipino but not Kapampangan, which was how I understood my parents' otherness. I remember being so fascinated by a flamingly gay Fiipino that worked there who my Mom called "Dang" because of the guy's flamboyant overusage of the term, "Dang! Ate these napkins are only 50 cents a pack, you need to get more, you know I would! Dang!" I'm sure he said a lot of vulgar jokes, but I wouldn't know since they were said in an inaccessible language and manner that I could only at the most interpret as crude.

Back to nostalgia: Kmart Café. Or whatever it was called. They had your standard American fast food fare, hot dogs and hamburgers (probably, I don't remember, I never got that shit)--and nachos. God I loved those nachos, I loved sharing them with my brother and my Dad. Icee's. Convenience store shit that I wouldn't feed my own kids (neither would my parents nowadays, knowing their more informed and strict dietary choices), but I'm still glad for the memories. The Café would later be replaced by Little Ceasar's Pizza, which was also good in my mind, those buttery breadsticks and cheap slices of pizza. But there was one thing from the Café that I recently remembered and had completely left buried in my mind: "Superman" ice cream.

Last night I had "Superman" ice cream for the first time since I was a very young, young child. Dad used to get it for us, and I'm not quite sure if it was he who discovered its secret confectionery awakening or if my brother or myself one day asked to try the ice cream based on its bright multi-colored appearance. It has three colors and supposedly three flavors: a bright red that (from what I have read but unable to taste) is cherry, a yellowed french vanilla, and "blue moon"--a blue that looks like it would taste like cotton candy but is really based on the taste of toasted almonds.

A couple of weeks ago my brother bought a bucket of the stuff and I just ignored the large container in the freezer for sometime until I saw him eating a cup of it yesterday. I asked him what it tasted like, having totally forgot about having had it myself in a childhood past, but we would not relent in conceding me the answer "it tastes like Superman!" This really pissed me off because the colors of the ice cream didn't have the same appeal to me as a twenty-something as it would a child, and I assumed it would be an awful mix of artificially flavored berries and that mysteriously true yellow color. However, in my hunger and feeling down last night I gave it a try...

And the taste was phenomenal. And as you can see, I re-lived so much.

'92 Til Infinity

Screaming Trees - Nearly Lost You (Letterman)

Wow, I didn't know Paul Mooney was their drummer (0:31).

Phantom Trip

I just woke up from a dream in which I was stranded in the middle of nowhere, far from any place-names I recognized, in the Philippines. I was on a Jeepney and people on the vehicle were mysteriously disappearing and being replaced, including the driver. We had a couple of puti drivers who were also insane and for some reason this was the only Jeepney route in the whole nation that was operating. I suspected the government, but I kept being hushed or stonewalled from finding the truth. And this is the first dream I can remember in which I was speaking Tagalog...

Frilled Shark

I just got put on to this... Shit is simultaneously awesome and scary! I'm probably going to have nightmares about this beast.